Order of Chaos

Just a thought from looking at what I’m trying to do.

My life has always been a fierce battle between order and chaos. I’d say that virtually every one of my autistic meltdowns were because I couldn’t make sense of what was going on. There is a part of me that flies into a rage when shit doesn’t make sense, I want to make it make sense. I think I see a pattern now of what’s been going on. I’m trying to create an order of chaos.

What I mean by that is a level of system order so complex that it is literally capable of containing chaos itself. You look at it one way and it’s complete chaos, none of it makes any sense – look at it another way and it is this intricately woven tapestry of complexities making literally anything possible within its laws, yet there is an elegant simplicity to it so it totally makes sense.

Edgar Cayce’s reading said that John Peni El would give to the world a new order of things. He could have been talking about my completed world view, because essentially it’s a mental pattern or “order” capable of containing chaos. I actually have two world views, one where nothing makes sense and another where everything makes sense. I mash them together in my head to come up with a composite view which I think equates to understanding. When I run into anything that doesn’t fit in my current order or world view, I destroy it and build a more complex one with new ways of looking at things. What I’m looking for is a way of seeing things where everything makes total sense. I’m not trying to replace chaos with order, I actually don’t want to lose any chaos because chaos equals things like fun, mystery, chance, luck, change, and most of all, individuality. I don’t want to lose any order because that’s how I make enough sense out of what’s going on around me to know I’m having fun. Without out a thirst for order, no mystery would ever get solved because that’s essentially what solving a mystery is… an attempt to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense. Without order, there could be no working society, without chaos it wouldn’t be worth living in.

This might even have a kind of physical component based on the human skull as a resonating chamber and standing waves. I’m really sketchy on this part but I think there’s something about harmonic orders in music that corresponds to what I’m doing, involving resonance and interference patterns. The brain is in concert all the time, playing music and producing resonance and interference and standing waves. I think when I get a model that’s making sense out of things I’m mentally “seeing” resonance, when something comes along that doesn’t makes sense, it interferes with that resonance essentially “breaking” that level of harmonic order. For some reason, I’m not sure why, the pattern will shift into the next higher level of order in an attempt to harmonize the interference, thereby containing it. That could use help by someone who knows acoustics, but the gist of it is there. Think of a sea of vibrations and atoms=thoughts=people as standing waves. It’s possible that a world view is based on how many standing waves you can create and keep going in your skull using your own thoughts to perturb the water surrounding your brain. Obviously that’s just how it manifests but where there’s smoke there’s fire. Somebody must be doing research on that somewhere.

Take this world… on the surface (conscious mind) it is total chaos, nothing makes sense and the things that seem to are in reality the most nonsensical of all. Yet, the deeper you look the more it starts to make some kind of mysteriously brilliant sense, so much so that you get mesmerized by its beauty. I look at what we do everyday on the surface and it seriously does look like 7 billion headless chickens, but looking at what we’re up to underneath all that, I’m seeing a human endeavor with a scale and scope that is simply mind boggling. I wouldn’t see that without a such a high level of system order in my world view. I see it, but I want to understand it better so currently I’m smashing thru world view models like a juggernaut trying to come up with one that will happily contain a world of chaos.

Honestly tho, I’m doing it because I hate anything that doesn’t make sense, but I love solving a mystery. My mind won’t rest until it has a crystallized world view that does make complete sense out of everything going on here, which is hopefully soon because I’d love a moment of mental relaxation.