Figuring all of this stuff out is like trying to break thru a wall of confusion. You hammer, drill, dynamite, and anything else you can think of to bust thru, then finally, just as you’re about to give up, you break thru the wall.
Your heart drops as you see what’s on the other side of the wall that took you forever to break thru… it’s another freekin wall. At this point you’re like “you’ve gotta be f’g kidding me!”
A rush of emotions well up and anger leaps to the front of the charge as you bash your way thru the second wall. You nearly wreck yourself doing it but your wrath alone takes it down. Finally… fuckers.
Really? Another freekin wall? Really?
Anger starts to mix with frustration, determination with doubt. You keep at it because you believe at some point you’ll break thru to mental clarity, and in fact each wall you take down seems to get you one step closer.
Then there are times when you’re just weary of it, and wonder if it isn’t just some cruel joke. You look at how much time and effort has been spent and all you have to show for it is the same thing you started with… a belief that what is on the other side of the wall of confusion is worth it.
You have no choice but to keep going, grinding away at wall after wall, only to find yet another one behind it. You can’t stop because if you do then all the effort has been wasted. The only chance at redemption is to keep going on the faith that your belief is justified, that there is a reason your heart tells you to do this thing.
At this point you’re pretty handy at breaking thru walls. No longer do you despair when you meet the next wall, nor do you have to study it long to know how to approach it, experience and muscle memory combined with faith and determination has you crashing thru walls like a juggernaut.
You know it’s coming, you can see a clearer picture coming into view now, maybe, after all the confusion it’s hard to tell. The walls are starting to become more transparent but it’s still hard to tell what I’m looking at. Take down another wall, I think I see it… nope, it’s still not clear. The walls are getting even more transparent but now I can see that there are imperfections in them that are distorting my view.
I try to compensate and clean it up by filtering and trying to distort my perception to cancel out the distortion in what I’m seeing. Nope, I still haven’t got a clear picture yet, another wall has to fall.
And that’s pretty much where we’re at in a nutshell. How many more walls before we have a crystal clear view of what’s going on? It’s hard to say, but we’re pretty sure it hasn’t been a wasted effort. In fact based on what we can see of it so far, it looks like it’s going to redefine “worth it”.