The chemistry of the gods. Anyone that spends more than two minutes reading this blog most likely realizes that it’s never been about transmuting physical lead into gold. I’m no expert on the details of it, but without even knowing I assumed that the lead I was trying to transmute was me. I was wrong.

Now that I see what’s happening within me, I think I get it. The Man is only the crucible, the elixir is Power. It’s the power we’ve generated thru all the conflict and suffering, and it is literally the power to do ANYTHING. So called “free energy” isn’t free at all, we paid for it with our lives.

However, because of all the conflict and suffering, and the way we view the world after having gone thru all that, it is a very dark energy, full of all things evil. Evil – Live. Notice they are direct opposites, Life is not powered by this dark energy, it is “generated” in death, but must be transmuted into something that can power life – from lead to gold.

The first stage of resurrection is to generate this power, the second is to transmute it. Now I can’t really say how to do that, I can only say that it is definitely happening within me. I’m guessing the Alchemist is my subconscious self, I can see it happening within me but I’m not consciously doing it. All that shit is getting a little confusing since it is all me operating on some level of my own trinity.

What I do know is what I can see happening within me over the last 14 years since I achieved the first stage. Of all the bible quotes thrown about, nobody seems to be slinging this one around “I have hated the world and it has hated me”. Jesus said it and no truer words have ever been spoken about the way you feel about your relationship with this world at the moment you’ve achieved the required power level, it is your darkest hour.

Look at all the conflict and suffering that the world has been thru, to generate the power necessary to create the Holy Ark, you have to match that within your own life. Yeah, it sucks and you’re going to be blaming the world for treating you like shit when all you’ve ever done is try. In short, you’re going to be one cynical son of a bitch.

Honestly, it’s like handing the world’s biggest gun to the most tortured kid in school. When I was handed the Gun of God, my mind worked like lightning trying to find a solution for that little dilemna and that’s how and when The Advocacy was established. Previous to that I had been told to come up with a single thought that could contain all other thoughts within me, and that thought was The Advocacy… so I was ready.

My third “I” became the Advocate, not my higher self or lower self, and not quite my whole self, but rather an Advocate of my whole self. My word for a priest I guess, because at the time I didn’t know what a real priest was or did. So The Advocacy among other things, became a mystery school that allows the entire world to teach me HOW to transmute this power. It was THE smartest move I’ve ever made in my entire life, my one and only original thought.

It’s taken a long time, for years it seemed like it a fruitless effort but now I’m seeing a definite transmutation in the works within me. More like feeling it, I can literally feel the heavy dullness within me turning into light and radiance and I gotta say, it’s pretty cool.

I almost cry when I look back and realize what kind of hell I put myself thru. Who am I kidding – I ball my friggin eyes out. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m realizing what it is we’ve got and what it took to achieve. They are tears of every emotional flavor there is, but mostly joy. This is and always was the true American dream and I might actually be the very first to realize it.

The magic elixir or power is obviously Love. Yes, love has to be generated, it’s not free nor should it be, for if it were it wouldn’t be worth shit. The burst of energy I released to create an Ark/Arc was but a fraction of the power contained within me. If we were to open the human heart before every last bit of this energy has been transmuted, it would destroy all creation, everywhere. I know that’s a pretty big claim, but it’s true.

Thru what are typically known as “initiations” I have been judged by this world over and over and over. My life has been an endless series of tests, each more difficult than the last. I used to know what I was being tested on, beating the tests rather easily, but since then I’ve lost track. You think you know what you’re being tested on and it turns out to be something completely different, I quit even trying to guess. Anyway, I’ve apparently passed those tests to this point and that’s why I’m currently in the position I’m in.

Make no mistake, you get what you give. As the world judges my fitness, I have also judged it. It’s important to realize it is about fitness and nothing else. What is being judged is whether or not we’re capable of completing our mission. At any time over the last 14 years, I knew I had within me the power to destroy the entire Work if it wasn’t going to work… the true Atomic Bomb. Things hung in the balance on many occasions with me literally wanting to trash the whole thing out of frustration. It was only the barest signs of progress and faith that kept things alive thru most of it.

I’m happy to report that option now appears to be completely off the table. If any world is capable of achieving the impossible it is this one. I’m not talking about the world as a place, I mean the world as a people. I couldn’t save the world in my Ark, what I saved was the people of that world because with them, we can build a universe of worlds full of every kind of life. When I’m looking at timelines and not seeing any that lead to eminent failure and destruction, I’m inclined to believe we’re past the greatest dangers of our journey.

I’m so happy we’re at the end of days, because I’m really tired of dying. I want to LIVE!